As I wrote in the last article, intercourse is still regarded to be the one and only sex. Such a normative discourse about sex poses pressure, especially for women to have sex even if they don’t really want it. Or other than that do not really like it. The inequality between the sexes is strongly displayed in sexuality and sexual satisfaction. For example, young women are more likely to depend on the satisfaction of their partner, compared to young men relying on their own sexual satisfaction. They also do engage in active oral sex more often even if they do not really want to. ₁ To satisfy their partner. Of course there is the bigger picture about patriarchy, power and sociality but here we want to concentrate on the processes of naturalization. I do not want to deny that there are certain biological differences between the sexes, yet they are rather tiny compared to the social and psychological consequences resulting out of it. In turn, underlying pretended naturalizations encourage and legitimize differences which must not exist.
Considering sexuality, a certain correlation between the nature of sex and the psychological disposition is assumed. ₂ Women are seen to be the receiving part of the coitus. She is passive and does not have such a strong desire. She wants a child and her nature is meant for that. While men are giving subjects with a strong drive to spread their sperm to reproduce their genes. I am quite surprised how common that idea still is. In articles about the question of who has more sex and why or simply when men try to justify why they cheat on their girlfriend (Yes, it is stupid but people still do so). That young women in America qualify good sex by the absences of pain while young men don´t, as Peggy Orenstein cites a big U.S. research, is worth discussing. ₃
Therefore, language should be considered in the first place. There is an urgent need to find appropriate words for sexual organs. In German there are very few words for our sexual organs or otherwise they are so deprecate that you don´t really want to use them while you have sex. Especially for Woman’s sexual organs this is a problem. I am constantly surprised how many women, even adult women cannot tell you the difference between Vagina and Vulva. But if you want to tell somebody what you would like them to do with you. You should be able to name it. Right?
References and further Information
₁ https://www.ted.com/talks/peggy_orenstein_what_young_women_believe_about_their_own_ sexual_pleasure#t-300836
₂ Wrede, B. (2000). Was ist Sexualität?
Durex: Studie zum Sexleben der Deutschen (http://www.presseportal.de/pm/115990/3253390)